Tanya Samuelian Tanya Samuelian

Coping with Separation Anxiety as a Grown-Up

Learn about separation anxiety in adults, its impact on mental health, and effective strategies for managing it. Discover coping techniques, self-help strategies, and ways to maintain relationships. Prioritize your mental health and face separations with confidence.

Separation anxiety affects not only children but also adults. Contrary to popular belief, adults can experience significant stress and uncertainty when away from loved ones or familiar places. Understanding and managing adult separation anxiety is crucial for maintaining good mental health.

Understanding Separation Anxiety in Adults

Although separation anxiety is commonly associated with children, it is a significant issue for adults as well. Major life changes like moving away from family or even minor situations such as a partner traveling for work can trigger separation anxiety. Symptoms may include excessive worry, sleep disturbances, and a constant fear of being alone.

Effective Strategies for Managing Separation Anxiety

Whether you are personally dealing with separation anxiety or supporting someone who is, learning how to cope is essential for a fulfilling life.

  • Utilize Self-Help Techniques:

    When anxiety becomes overwhelming, self-help techniques can be empowering. Simple strategies like deep breathing exercises and mindfulness practices can calm your mind and alleviate separation worries.

  • Seek Professional Help:

    For severe anxiety, seeking assistance from a mental health professional trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can provide structured strategies to combat anxious thoughts and behaviors.

  • Leverage Support Systems:

    During difficult times, rely on the support of friends, family, or support groups. They can offer empathy, understanding, practical advice, or distractions.

Coping Strategies for Everyday Life

Incorporating coping strategies into your daily routine can help you build resilience against separation anxiety.

  • Establish a Daily Routine:

    Having a consistent daily routine provides a sense of control and stability, easing anxiety caused by a partner's frequent work travels or other absences.

  • Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques:

    Activities like yoga, meditation, or breathing exercises are effective in managing stress and anxiety. They redirect your focus away from separation worries and bring you back to the present moment.

  • Foster Positive Self-Talk and Reframing:

    Challenge negative thoughts by practicing positive self-talk. Reframe your thinking to concentrate on what you can control, replacing fears with affirmations about your coping abilities.

  • Prioritize Self-Care:

    Allocate time for activities that nourish your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Simple practices like reading, taking a relaxing bath, or ensuring sufficient sleep can make a significant difference.

Maintaining Relationships with Separation Anxiety

Effective communication is essential for managing relationships impacted by separation anxiety.

  • Communicate Your Concerns:

    Engage in open conversations with your loved ones about your feelings. Honest communication can foster better understanding and support.

  • Set Boundaries:

    Identify your limits and communicate them clearly to your loved ones. Establishing boundaries is crucial for preserving your mental health and demonstrating self-respect.

If you are struggling with adult separation anxiety, remember that there is hope and help available. By implementing coping strategies, seeking professional guidance, and building a strong support system, you can effectively manage your anxiety and face separations with strength and confidence. Always remember, prioritizing your mental health is an act of self-care and strength, not weakness.

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COVID 19 & Teletherapy

Seeing a therapist used to imply being in the same room with them, but not any longer. Teleconferencing has made it possible to see a mental health professional from a distance.

With recent requirements for social distancing, many therapists and clients have had to either pause their work or make other arrangements, including meeting by video conference. 

I've been providing teletherapy services for a few years now. Here are some common questions and issues that come up when thinking about making the transition. 

Will My Therapist Agree to Online Sessions?

Some therapists (myself included) are enthusiastic about using teletherapy, some won't use it at all, and a large number of therapists approach it with some reservations. I've been surprised how many therapists are now moving to it with the COVID-19 outbreak and resulting social distancing. Most therapists generally seem to find that it's a very beneficial approach. 

Even among therapists I know who were skeptical about online sessions in the past, the majority have opened to the idea. They seem to recognize it as a good option to avoid an untimely break in the therapy relationship, and to provide continuity of care. 

Will It Be Weird? 

If you're generally comfortable with communicating through a screen (e.g., Skype, FaceTime), you'll probably be comfortable moving to online therapy. If you can't stand this form of communication, you'll likely have a harder time with it. Of the dozens of clients I've treated through teletherapy, most seem to find the transition to be smoother than they expected. Therapy tends to be intense, and quickly enough you're likely to forget about the medium and focus on the work. 

That said, expect some differences with teletherapy. It's different when you're not in the same room with someone, and you're experiencing them in two spatial dimensions instead of three. It can also be harder to pick up on body language through a video. And while most of my clients seemed to be comfortable with making the switch, a few were not, or found the transition to be quite challenging. Occasional tech issues come up (like a delay in the audio and video), but typically can be handled with a little patience and humor.  

Is It Effective? 

Research suggests that therapy by video conference can be very effective, which has also been my clinical experience. It depends on you and your therapist, of course, but in general you should expect it to be helpful if you were finding in-person therapy helpful. 

Personally, some of the most powerful clinical experiences I've witnessed have occurred through teletherapy. In my own practice, I've seen it work for people dealing with things like depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, insomnia, relationship issues, grief, and trauma. 

Will Insurance Reimburse Me? 

A growing number of insurance providers seem to be willing to cover online therapy sessions. They'll probably require the standard things for reimbursement: your identifying information, the provider's license and so forth, a diagnostic code, and a session (CPT) code. Check with your insurance provider before starting your sessions if you'll depend on reimbursement to cover the sessions.  

How Does It Work?

You and your therapist will agree on a platform to use (or in some cases may decide to forego video and simply speak by phone). Some rely on Skype or FaceTime, although those options are not HIPAA compliant. More secure platforms include VSee, Zoom, and Doxy, among others. There may be a fee for your therapist to use the technology depending on the service, but it should be free for you (aside from your therapist's session fee, of course).  

How Should I Prepare for My Sessions?

Some important and finer points about the logistics of teletherapy:

  • Do a test of the software beforehand for your own peace of mind and to be sure it will work, and verify that you have your therapist's contact information (e.g., VSee username).

  • Find a place in your home where you'll have as much privacy as possible. This could be a challenge if kids are out of school or other family members are always home (or work from home).

  • Along those lines, I recommend ear buds for privacy and also better sound quality. That way your therapist's voice won't feed back into your microphone and out their speakers.

  • Make sure you're sitting somewhere you'll be comfortable for the length of your session.

  • Have your screen on a stable surface, since excessive movement can create a feeling of seasickness for your therapist. If they're new to teletherapy and their screen is bouncing around, ask them to do the same.

  • A finer point: try to have the top of your head near the top of your video screen, rather than in the bottom half of the screen. That way when they're looking at your face they'll be looking more or less into their camera (assuming it's at the top of their computer), so it will feel like they're looking at you.  

  • Be sure to close email and turn off notifications that could be distracting and dilute the experience for you. You'll want to have your full attention focused on your session.

  • Also close programs that could slow down your computer's processing ability and interfere with the quality of the video. 

  • You may also need to work out payment arrangements with your therapist if you generally pay in person. Some therapists will keep a credit card on file for you; others will ask that you mail a check. Find out what they prefer. 

Are There Other Advantages to Online Therapy?

One plus of online therapy you'll notice right away is that there's no travel time involved, so your sessions will probably take up much less of your day. With that in mind, you may want to build in some transition time into and out of therapy, since travel time often provides a buffer before and after your session. It might be challenging, for example, to return directly to childcare after an emotional session. Even a 10-minute break to process and digest the session can make a big difference. 

You'll also never have to cancel for weather (assuming you have electricity and Internet), and there are no concerns about whether you could pass along a sickness to your therapist (or vice versa) if you're well enough to meet but possibly contagious. It's also possible to see your therapist when you're traveling, just as I've been able to see clients when I've been on the road. 

What If My Therapist Won't Do Online Sessions? 

If your current therapist isn't open to doing teletherapy, you might consider speaking with a new therapist who does offer online sessions. Obviously it's not ideal to have to start over with someone new, especially if you've been seeing your therapist for a while. But it may be your only option if you're committed to continuing therapy with as little interruption as possible.

If you don't want to start with a new person, consider other resources during the hiatus from seeing your therapist (and work with them on the plan, if possible). For example, there may be books, brief online courses, or other resources that will help you to continue the work. Your therapist might be open to having brief phone check-ins during this time. 

Seek out additional support from loved ones, as well, and be sure to take care of your basic needs like sleep, nutrition, and movement to keep your body and mind healthy. You might find journaling to be helpful during this time, as it's been shown to be an effective way to process thoughts and emotions.

Keep in mind that there could be unexpected benefits to taking a therapy vacation. While it may not be ideal, an unplanned break from therapy can lead to surprising growth, as the work you've done settles in and takes hold.  

The Bottom Line

If you're considering teletherapy, talk it over with your therapist and see if it's worth giving a try. You don't have to know in advance if it's the right decision for you—you can always plan to do a limited number of sessions to see how it goes. If it works well, it could be a convenient and time-saving way to continue the important work of therapy.  

Find the fill article here.


If you're looking for a therapist who provides online sessions, I invite you to contact me to schedule your free phone consultation today! Contact Me Here

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blog, marriage, relationships, therapy Tanya Samuelian blog, marriage, relationships, therapy Tanya Samuelian

Words of Affirmation and How To Fluently Speak This Love Language

It’s often said that actions speak louder than words, but for people whose love language is words of affirmation, it’s actually words themselves that speak volumes.

Never heard of love languages? Introduced by Gary Chapman’s best-selling 2015 book, love languages are ways of communicating based on methods to speak and understand love. There are five different types: quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch, and the aforementioned words of affirmation. (Which is apparently the most common, according to Chapman.) Knowing your partner’s love language is important because it clues you in as to the best way to show them how much you care. You may think your partner wants to feel showered with thoughtful presents (receiving gifts) when really they would so much more appreciate you cleaning the kitchen for them (acts of service).

People whose love language is words of affirmation like their partner to use words to express their love. But if you don’t consider yourself good with words, being in a relationship with someone whose love language is words of affirmation seem challenging. Here are some tips on how to fluently speak this love language.

How to do it

You don’t have to be “good with words” to speak the words of affirmation love language. It’s important to know that you don’t have to come up with something to say right on the spot. You can spend some time and think about it, and then write your partner a love letter.

However, just a simple “I love you,” (while nice) doesn’t always cut it. Generally people who are inclined towards words of affirmation are looking for specific and personalized messages. They want to hear why you love them and how you love them. For example, what actions or personality traits do you appreciate about them? Thinking about that could help you make what you say more meaningful and impactful to both of you.

If you take time to craft a love letter and it’s still challenging to put your feelings into words, borrow from time-tested love stories over time. You can quote a passage from a poem or story. Or, you can gift your partner a book and underline passages that speak to your relationship.

Surprising your partner with notes is another way to express words of affirmation. If they’re going on a business trip, you can leave little notes in their suitcase. Or, you can put one in their lunch bag!

How to accept words of affirmation

Someone whose love language is words of affirmation likely also likes to show their love this way, so it’s important to be able to accept words of affirmation, too. If you’re someone who can’t take a compliment, this can be challenging. If accepting words of affirmation is challenging for you, it’s good to express this to your partner. Tell them. ‘I’m not used to accepting words of love, but I’m working on it.'

When your partner starts voicing all the things he or she loves about you, if you don’t know what to say, a simple thank you works just fine.

Just like with other languages, it can take work to become fluent in a love language, but it absolutely can be done. It’s also good to be fluent in more than one language, so it’s great to practice the other love languages as well.

The important part is that you and your partner are expressing your love to one another. And that’s something that’s appreciated no matter what language you speak.

Read the full article at Well + Good.


If you live in the Los Angeles or Westlake Village area and are interested in therapy, I invite you to contact me via email at: tanyasamuelianmft@yahoo.com . I provide a complimentary consultation. Check out my services to see which one might fit your needs. Contact me now to see if we might be a good fit to work together! Or book your appointment here!

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anxiety, blog, depression, health, therapy, wellness Tanya Samuelian anxiety, blog, depression, health, therapy, wellness Tanya Samuelian

Using Essential Oils for Energy

Life is exhausting. Family, pets, work, anxiety…It can all lead to relying on cup after cup of coffee to get through the day.

There isn’t one magic fix that instantly leads to increased energy: good sleep, eating healthy food, thyroid function, and stress management all play a part. But there is one supporting player on the better energy all-star team that’s often overlooked: essential oils.

While using essential oils for energy isn’t a replacement for prioritizing all the other factors that could be contributing to fatigue, it can help.

Essential oils that encourage deep breathing: peppermint, eucalyptus, and cardamom

We often don’t think about it, but deep breathing is directly connected to better energy. One reason why many people have an energy deficit is because they’re taking such shallow breaths all the time and there isn’t enough oxygen flowing through the body and to the brain.

When it comes to which specific essential oils are linked to deeper breathing, peppermint increases VO2; eucalyptus and cardamom are both popular oils that can provide respiratory support. (Eucalyptus is a decongestant, promoting deeper breathing. Cardamom is considered “warming” and can help improve circulation.)

Mood-boosting essential oils: orange, lemon, lime, grapefruit

Fatigue can also often stem from a mood imbalance. Mood is a big piece of energy. We know that chronic stress and depression can lead to chronic fatigue, and we also know that citrus essential oils such as orange, lemon, lime, and grapefruit, are linked to boosting mood.

Because memory and smell are so intricately linked, other essential oils can help boost mood too, based on what makes you specifically feel warm and fuzzy inside. For some people, lavender is a mood-boosting scent because they have such happy memories tied to it; it’s very individual.

Essential oils that support good sleep: lavender, chamomile, valerian root

Getting good sleep is a big part of feeling energized throughout the day, which is why working essential oils into your nighttime routine can be beneficial too. If you are really wanting to use essential oils for energy, you likely aren’t going to be using the same blends all the time; your morning blend will be different than your night blend because you don’t want to perk up at 10 p.m., which is likely what peppermint will do.

Lavender, chamomile, and valerian root are all essential oils that are linked to promoting good sleep. Lavender can calm the nervous system, helping you relax, while chamomile can help with anxiety and valerian root is literally used as a natural sleep aid.

How to use essential oils for energy

Now that you know which oils contribute to better energy, how do you use them? Topical use, applying a few drops of your chosen oil or blend to your wrists or neck. The reason why topical use is best is because you basically become a walking diffuser.

For the quickest effects, inhalation is best. Nothing is faster than inhalation, and adding a diffuser can be used in this way. Take a whiff of peppermint. You’ll instantly perk up!

Whether you choose to apply an essential oil topically or use a diffuser, the effects won’t last more than a couple hours, so because of this, you may want to incorporate them into your routine throughout the day. Perhaps you have one blend you smell in the morning, one in the afternoon, and one before bed.

While essential oils are only one piece of the energy-boosting puzzle, they can work in conjunction with other holistic solutions such as eating more nutrient dense foods and taking measures to minimize stress. When used together, a clearer picture of better energy starts to come together, and in turn, it could transform your entire day.

Read the full article at Well + Good.


If you live in the Los Angeles or Westlake Village area and are interested in therapy, I invite you to contact me via email at: tanyasamuelianmft@yahoo.com . I provide a complimentary consultation. Check out my services to see which one might fit your needs. Contact me now to see if we might be a good fit to work together! Or book your appointment here!

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anxiety, blog, change, fear, growth, therapy Tanya Samuelian anxiety, blog, change, fear, growth, therapy Tanya Samuelian

Breaking the Cycle of Fear

In every moment, you have the power to create your future. The “failures” you’ve had in the past don’t define your future or mean that you are going to “fail” again. You have the power to define who you are, what you want, and how to get there. Every day, remind yourself: I am not going to let my past define me. I am going to define me. I am going to create my future.

Get Comfortable with being Uncomfortable

Change is uncomfortable, but it’s also the only constant in life. The world around us—our relationships, jobs, living situations, friends, everything—is constantly changing and influencing us. Amid all of this change, why would we expect that we would stay the same? We’re constantly changing. Honor that. A lot of people feel that a change of heart is a negative thing. That it reflects a fickle nature. It doesn’t. You don’t have to prove yourself to anybody. You have to find what fits for you—right now, at this time in your life.

When we don’t honor the ways in which we’ve changed, we end up sticking with something just because we don’t want to quit. We end up stressed, overworked, and miserable, holding on for dear life to a dream we don’t even want anymore. This is dangerous—but as long as you’re still breathing, as long as you’re still alive, you have the opportunity to change your situation and find a dream that’s worth the gamble. Each breath is an opportunity to change. Each breath is an opportunity to be better than we were before. With each breath, we choose our future.

Lesson: You always have the opportunity to grow if you’re willing to change.

Stretch Yourself

The body is often naturally tight, and that’s okay. Breathe into your muscles and they will loosen. The same thing happens in life. Breathe into your fears and they will loosen their grip on you, opening you up to new opportunities. The more you breathe into your fears, the easier it gets to do so, and the more flexible you will become in trying new things.

Change is happening all around us and inside of us. If you’re flexible, you’re able to move easily with those changes and find your flow. If you’re not, you’ll get stuck, be unable to shift and adapt, and live in a way that isn’t working for you anymore.

The more flexible you are and the more you keep moving, the less likely you are to get stuck in your fears, doubts, and worries.

Lesson: Stay flexible and available for new opportunities.

Never Call It Failure

Things don’t always work out the way we want or plan. When a deal falls through, a client goes to a competitor, a job opportunity vanishes, a relationship ends, a proposal is rejected, or an experience falls short of your expectations, don’t call it a failure. Shift your mind-set. Stop asking, How did I fail? How can I stop failing? Instead, ask, How did that situation make me stronger? What can I learn from that experience?

It’s important to do a reality check. Do you want to keep pursuing this goal, or do you want to stop? Ask yourself: Is this something I want to push forward, or do I want to let it go and put my energy in another direction? Am I happy on this journey?

Lesson: You can’t fail if you don’t stop trying.

If you’re comfortable being uncomfortable, stretching yourself, and not calling fears failure, you’ll see opportunities for growth daily. Embrace growth, embrace change, and find your flow.

Read the full article on Goop.


If you live in the Los Angeles or Westlake Village area and are interested in therapy, I invite you to contact me via email at: tanyasamuelianmft@yahoo.com . I provide a complimentary consultation. Check out my services to see which one might fit your needs. Contact me now to see if we might be a good fit to work together! Or book your appointment here!

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